A521.4.3.RB
Subtleties
of Communication and Hidden Messages
I
talk with my hands. Actually, I have a
hard time speaking without moving my hands.
Before I begin my presentation, I provide a “Public Service Announcement” “Ladies and Gentlemen, please excuse me but I
talk with my hands”. I have tried
putting my hands in my pockets, holding the podium and even keeping them behind
my back.
According
to Carolyn
Gregoire’s The Huffington Post article, “The Fascinating Science Behind ‘Talking’
With Your Hands”, talking with your hands isn’t necessarily a bad thing. “If someone has ever made fun of you for
making elaborate hand gestures while talking — or you’ve seen footage of
yourself speaking, only to be horrified by your flailing forearms — don’t be
too concerned.
According to psychologists, those gestures probably
are helping you express your thoughts more effectively. “Hand gestures are really a powerful aspect of
communication, from both the speaker’s and the listener’s end,” Dr. Carol
Kinsey Gorman, body language expert and author of The Nonverbal Advantage:
Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work and The Silent Language of
Leaders, told The Huffington Post.
A study analyzing TED Talks last year found that the
most popular, viral speakers used an average of about 465 hand gestures, which
is nearly twice as many as the least popular speakers used. Other research has
found that people who “talk” with their hands tend to be viewed as warm,
agreeable and energetic, while those who are less animated are seen as logical,
cold and analytical”. (Gregoire, 2016)
Believe
it or not, the Army has a writing style and a presentation style. First and foremost, the Army uses “active
voice” and the less is more concept. I
learned, early on, that the crossed arms indicated an unapproachable
person. BLUF is the best way to present.
According
to McKay, Davis and Fanning (McKay, Davis, Fanning 2009), “Understanding body
language is essential because over 50 percent of a message’s impact comes from
body movements. Albert Mehrabian (1981)
has found that the total impact of a message breaks down like this:
7
percent verbal (words)
38
percent vocal (volume,
pitch, rhythm, etc.)
55
percent body movement
(mostly facial expressions)
Another
reason to pay close attention to body language is that it is often more
believable than verbal communication.
For example, you ask your mother, ‘What’s wrong?’ She shrugs her shoulders, frowns, turns away
from you, and mutters, ‘Oh…nothing, I guess.
I’m just fine.’ You don’t believe
her words. You believe her dejected body
language, and you press on to find out what’s bothering her.
The
key to nonverbal communication is congruence.
Nonverbal cues usually occur in congruent clusters – groups of gestures
and movements that have roughly the same meaning and agree with the meaning and
agree with the meaning of the words that accompany them. IN the example above, your mother’s shrug,
frown, and turning away are congruent among themselves. They could all mean ‘I’m depressed’ or ‘I’m
worried.’ However, the nonverbal cues
are not congruent with her words. As an
astute listener, you recognize this in incongruency as a signal to ask again
and dig deeper.”
As a
New Englander, I have been told that I talk too fast. Although my tempo is quick, my pitch,
resonance, rhythm, volume and articulation are on spot. I take great pride in my command of the
English language. I am the “proverbial
corrector” of mispronounced words and syntax errors. Just ask my wife. However, I do speak fast. McKay, Davis and Fanning (McKay, Davis,
Fanning 2009) describe in chapter 5 of their text, these different nuances of
speech. I completely agree with
them. Moreover, their definition of
metamessages is even more impacting. It
is how one states something that affects the listener. An example of this is, “Consider the sentence
‘You’re late tonight’. If the word ‘late’
is emphasized with a slightly rising, inflection, the sentence communicates
surprise. It may also imply a question
about the cause of the delay. If the
word ‘you’re’ is emphasized, the metamessage is irritation.
Finally
in chapter 6 of McKay, Davis and Fanning’s text (McKay, Davis, Fanning 2009),
the three speak of “hidden agendas”.
This, in my opinion is the hardest to detect. Saying things like, “I’m good” has such a
different meaning these days. As a high
school teacher, I hear it all. “I’m
good….It’s all good…I’m chillin’…I’m livin’…I’m alright” really have a
different meaning then when I was a kid.
These are comments designed to end a conversation. They are not open ended as they use to be. In my youth, comments like these would lead
to a follow on question.
McKay,
Davis and Fanning claim that there are eight agendas but I believe they are not
in keeping with the times. Moreover,
things have changes so much in the last seven years since their text was
published.
I
actually have a hard time communicating with the youth of today on their level
with the newly created definition of words.
Did you know that “loud” meant marijuana? How about “lean”…this is now a drink that
contains Sprite, a Jolly Rancher and codeine.
How about “ratchet”? To me this
is a tool that is used with a measured socket to turn bolts. Not to these kids. It means that something is terrible, ugly or
not the way it should be. “Did you see
her?...Her hair is ratchet!”
Sadly,
this is the life that I contend with. I
spend my days trying to make kids stop saying “yeah” and start saying
“yes”. I am constantly telling children
to pull up their pants.
This
is my world and although I appreciate the input from these authors, this is not
a “one size fits all” world that we now live in.
Finally,
I do agree with the concept of congruence.
Everything should have a flow. Even
in my world of reformed English and odd fashion statements, I want everything I
say, including my body language to flow and match my verbal and stature
meaning. I am positive that my Cadets
know when I’m angry by my facial features, words and body language and also
when I am pleased by the same means.
References
Gregoire, C.
(2016, February 4). The Fascinating
Science Behind ‘Talking’ With Your Hands: We all do it. Here’s what it
means. [The Huffington Post].
Retrieved on June 24, 2016 from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/talking-with-hands-gestures_us_56afcfaae4b0b8d7c230414e
McKay, M., Davis, M., Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: the communications skill book.
(3rd ed). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications
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